March 10, 2008

Comically Inappropriate Refreshments for Business Meetings

I’m in charge of refreshments for a meeting tomorrow. That got me thinking about what would be the most inappropriate thing to bring? Here’s a top ten list of what I came up with:

10. A giant tub of cottage cheese. Maybe some Saltines too.

11. Unprepared Pomegranates. Note: Pomegranates should NOT be a side item; instead the pomegranates should be provided as the sole refreshment. Tell everyone it’s Pomegranate Appreciation Day. (You may want to wear a poncho.)

12. Raw Foods – Provide a selection of organic whole grain sprouts and raw vegetables. Sorry, no blue cheese or ranch dressing is allowed. Add a meeting agenda item to discuss the benefits of the “raw food lifestyle.”

13. Boiled Peanuts. Did you know that boiled peanuts can be re-warmed in a microwave with no negative effects on taste?

14. Beef Jerky Spread – Perhaps provide a selection of other dehydrated treats as well.

15. Anything with baked or boiled fish (especially Cod). This is an odiferous treat for your meeting attendees. No need to mention how envious folks in nearby offices will be. This one is especially good for an early morning meeting.

16. Kombucha (fermented tea) – Make sure to serve directly from an old jar with cheese cloth on top and with an intact bacterial mass floating on the tea for dramatic effect.

17. Make your own juice drink. Provide a spread of various raw vegetables and fruits, as well as a selection of blenders and juicers around the table. Make sure to compost the leftover pulp (provide a specially labeled trash bin).

18. Fondue. Arrange several fondue pots with hot oil around the board room and provide a selection of raw meat and vegetables, as well as batter for breading. Be sure to warn attendees about the dangers of hot oil dripping on their laptops. And watch out for extension cords that might trip someone up. Oh, and don’t forget the chocolate fountain!

19. Leftovers. Whatever you’ve got in your fridge comes to work with you.